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InuYashaCool
04-06-2007, 03:59 PM
Before I begin the story here's some backround info
I might be using stuff from Square Enix so I apologize

Main Character: Alex
Keyblade: Orb Weaver(you'll find out why I named it that later)
Keyblade.bmp
Looks:Guy1.jpg
Place of Birth: Traverse Town (After KH2)

this is not an RP I'm just giving backround info on the main character

Alex was sitting on a rooftop in Traverse town watching the people walk by, a sense of bordom on his face. He keeps scanning around for his friend Lee. Alex sarts to get bored and lays down on the rooftop and looks at the always night sky. Until he noticed something, either he was going crazy or there were two gigantic yellow stars. Then he realised that it was a heartless. Alex quickly jumoed to his feet, and befroe the heartless could react, Alex jumped. He jumped to an outside wall of a building and kept jumping off the wall and the wall of a building next to it. and landed on the ground with the heartless following him. ALex continued to run, and bumped into Lee, Lee was sort of chubby, he had spiky black hair and glasses, he was wearing jeans and a red t-shirt that said "ladies love the fat guy!" he waved, "Hi Alex!" Lee said
"Lee-run-Heartless-chacing me." Alex explained panting. Lee saw the heartless and the two continued to run. "Lee you keep going-I'll hold him off." Alex explained. Lee didn't answer he just continued to run. ALex held out his hand signalling the heartless to stop, of course the heartless wouldn't listen. A beam of light shot, in his hand, and a keyblade appeared in his (you already know what it looks like so I don't need to explain what it looks like) hand. He slashed at the heartlees and it disappeared.
In someplace far away a man in a black cloak looked inside an orb "looks like theree's a new keyblade master."

Anastashia Sage
04-06-2007, 04:06 PM
Good job even with a little bit of typos it is still and excellant story.

FANTASY FAN
04-26-2007, 02:12 PM
Nice keyblade ^_^
okay i'll draw my charcter with it......

staticgrave666
04-26-2007, 08:21 PM
Fan fics are the bane of my existence, there are so many yet the most one can hope for is mediocrity at best.

ZeroEverlast
04-26-2007, 08:23 PM
Is your protagonist a Marty Stu?

If so, I've no interest in reading such apocrypha of self-worship.

The DBZ Fan Boy
05-16-2007, 01:00 AM
This is off the Hisouse. When are you gonna continue.

Mikhile
05-16-2007, 05:50 PM
Learn to spell/type.
Learn to paragraph.
Learn to be descriptive.
Learn your tenses.
And most of all...
He slashed at the heartlees and it disappeared.
In someplace far away a man in a black cloak looked inside an orb "looks like theree's a new keyblade master."
Learn to write an interesting story.

The DBZ Fan Boy
09-17-2007, 06:47 AM
Learn to spell/type.
Learn to paragraph.
Learn to be descriptive.
Learn your tenses.
And most of all...

Learn to write an interesting story.

Sorry boss.

warangel
09-24-2007, 03:28 AM
Needs more background. How do these guys know what heartless are? Still, jumping in the middle of the action is fine. You just need to explain that part a little later. Using a flash back or have a characther explain it.

sarcaustic
09-24-2007, 04:09 AM
Yeeks.

lighteningprincess
10-03-2007, 05:13 PM
i tink its cool nice story and everyting but fix with the typos